GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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