Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
