I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
