Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
