I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
