did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
