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And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
how does that bad decision feel?
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