It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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