Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
