I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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