she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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