he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
