I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
