Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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