i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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