shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
