I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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