opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
