Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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