i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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