Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You're like the curious george of whores
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
