I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
