I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Boobs are out for the taking
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
