remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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