A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
