just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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