She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
