I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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