Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
