Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
