Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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