I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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