I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
