Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
