I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
