I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
