maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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