oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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