he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
