Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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