I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
