Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
