yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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