I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize