My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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