HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
