Define "chronic" masturbator.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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