I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
