that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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