i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got inside last night via doggy door
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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