I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize