When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
