well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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