Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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