I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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