In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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