Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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