census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
