I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
