the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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