he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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