she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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