Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
