Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
